Friday, January 30, 2009

Oh what a life ,Humm was there a life there?

Has anyone every woke up one morning, having a different name than you did before they went to sleep. I did and didn't find out til years later. That I had went from a beautiful French name to a shitty ass German one, I wonder if at that time, did I say what the hell? I guess I was around the age of 12 when I was told about the horrible event. And wondered if I had ever seen my real Dad only to find out that I had, but I was only a year and a half to two years, good grief, who remembers at that age, Not me. Oh oh wait, I do remember Lord bless her, my mom telling me that she almost choked me to death at the young age of 2, yea I had already turned blue by the time she realized what she was doing. Thanks mom, that's heartening to know. It came to be because she had divorced my Dad, after some German broad, wrote her and told her he, ( my Dad), wanted a divorce. Wow thanks a lot again mom, not that I'm putting any blame out there. Jeez mom stop, I already have an older half sister. Well moving on, she gets knocked up by this mean ass sorry hunk of shit guy named Burgan, which I was adopted by, sorry #%%%^&&^. And I guess what made it worse was he was in the Army, sorry good for nothing &^%%&&**. Oh back about the choking, it came about, he was one of those who expected his house to be white glove clean or else, when he'd bring his sorry $%% home after a day of ripping off the American tax payers. The piece of horse dung. And the else was a few right hands up around the head and neck, not funny, I know. Well i guess about really the only thing we can rememberwas that his %^^ was sent toVietNam. At least at that time the beating of mom and me and my half sister stopped. It was the happiest day's of our lives. Living in the same house with my grandma and pops, oh it was happy days. Being at the age of between 8 to10. By the time he came back my pops had helped me establish a lawn mowing service sorta, when I had enough ump in my pants to push a push mower. Even back then people gypped kids. 3 acre yard for 5 bucks. wow, get rich quick scheme I had going on lol, yea right. Life was great until the return of the beast. Nothing had changed but seemed to had gotten worse, and I don't buy into the saying that Nam made him that way, it didn't. He was born that way and because his stepdad beat him, he thought everyone else should be beat also. What kind of a man is a man that would teach a kid to steal for him, then beat his ass if he didn't do it right? #1 Satan Jr that's who. Then teach a kid how to drink whiskey at the age 3,4 ,5 you get the picture. Oh, did I mention my Mom getting knocked up by this beast, yeah she did, and after he got back from Nam, my goodness they began to have babies like rabbits, 4 more son's of Satan Jr. I think their all in their 40's now. The only decent one out of the bunch of rabbits is the first born girl rabbit, the other were damn boys. PUCK, spit, Puck some more, spit, spit.

As you can probably tell I have no use for the whole lot of boys that are left, one died at age 2 in Germany from spinal meningitis. I am not making fun of that, that was a sad time. Spending the next 7 years with the beast wasn't easy. After he got out of the Army he became even more worthless than before. Every job he ever had, whether it was heavy equipment, food service, esp McLanes company in my home town, their business was retail groceries, he ripped them a big one. Closets full of junk foods, closets full of spam, crackers, I guess anything you could think of we had thanks to the company as they called it. Freezers of meats everywhere, 3 at our house, 2 at grandma's house and no telling how many at the companies houses, guess this went on for about 3 years, then someone in the group screwed up and they, well let's not say they got caught, let's just say they resigned before they went to jail for a while. Oh, I had to continue mowing yards after school and as always he would take my money the ass hole. Then things began to change. He and I had a fight at the supper table one night, he hemmed me up against the wall and the table leg fell off, he was gonna kill me and I was so scared I grabbed a glass and cracked him over the head 4 quick times, he fell on the ground. I hauled butt! I wasn't gonna take no beating no more. I moved in with pops, mom got a job at the VA, continued to get her beating, met another guy, the beast caught her, got pissed gathered up his "male" Jr beasts and hauled it back to Virginia with about $1800.00 dollars of my and my half sister's money and a CB radio I had bought from him. He left his blood daughter with my mom, which is probably only the 2nd good thing he did, (the first being taking his heathen sons and leaving). As things turned out, of the three remaining male beasts, two are drunks and one is a pedophile, and whiskey claimed the beast, himself, he died of asphyxiation.

WELL, that was my life up into the age of 18. Now I want ya all to know, I didn't live a sheltered life, but when you live in a hell hole with a beast like that and he runs every aspect of your life, you have a tendency, not to know much of the worlds ways.

My oldest half-sister realized she needed therapy and is getting it. I am seeing a very good doctor who is trying to regulate my medication and thinks I need therapy too. Ya think!!!!

Well, this was just the first 18 years. The first 18 of our life, I know that if it wasn't for the beatings, choking, mowing grass you wouldn't know about me. Oh I accomplished one thing though, I went to school 18 years and graduated the 7th grade because the teachers were tired of seeing me,yahoo! Now until we feel like writing about the other 32 years, I'm signing off for now.

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