You know they say you can't go back and change things thats happened even 5 seconds ago. But if I could I would suredly try to change a lot of things. They also say you have to live with the cards you are dealt. well if I had it my way, I'd ask for a new hand. Myself as well as countless on thousand upon thousand of people just here in the USA, just like myself, we weren't born on the other side of the tracks as to say, no silver spoon, no ira's, or college funds set aside. no we are the ones who have to fight for everything we got. Christianity in my house was nothing unless it was taking the church for everything they had and then when the well went dry, that's all you heard about church. I guess if it hadn't been for my late, late, grandmother, God rest her soul, I would have never graced the inside of a church building. And I praise the Lord for her.
They say that it's not good to look back on the past, but look to the future, but how can you look to the future when so much of your future is in the past. Growing up in the house I lived in was pure hectic to say at least. Like thousands of other young kids who had broken homes, life wasn't easy, especially when your mother remarrys a man she met in a beer dive. not to say that my real dad, which I never saw with my own eyes (and if I did was to young to remember), I've been told he was in no way a saint himself. Oh well maybe I will get to see him on the other side in new jerusalem, this is my hope and prayer. But as I look back I guess all the beating we endured made us better folk, I guess, I really can't tell.
But just to survive was not in itself easy, taking on different personalities, just to help us make through. we firmly believe that if God hadn't been there with us, we wouldn't be here today. The rule was, kids only spoke when spoken to, dare speak, get beat, then speak, get beat. what a win win situation huh ? Having your every move dictatated was grrrr. having no life was worse, But when Ive gone the last mile I know all will be well. to have to grow up the way we did as a child, and knowing that thousands upon thousands of others had it the same way makes one just break down and cry. It has taken many years for me to shed a tear for anything, or anyone and at times it's still tough to cry. When I lost my mother earlier this year, instead of crying, I felt thank goodness, this is over. Did I love my mom? yes. did I love my mom after all the abuse she and my stepdad put me through, yes but it was and still is tough.
Now that I look back at all the wasted years, what should have been and not should of been in my life, would I still change things? YES, I would. And the first thing would be, that the first time that I met Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour, I would have held onto Him for dear life. You see I wasted so many years of being a form of godliness, denyng the power thereof. I knew of Him, but really never knew Him. But now that I know Him and what He was and is capable of doing, I can no longer look back. For today the future is ahead of me. For all the mental, physical, and verbal abuse I grew up with, I have no one else to thank, but God the Father, who brought me through it all. As that old old song goes, I wouldn't take nothing for my journey now. By the help and grace of God I pray that my feet never again slip backwards but walketh forward from this day. That when I have gone the last mile of the way, Jesus will look at me and say these words, "enter in thy good and faithful servant".
Friends, you can make it the last mile of the way also, just trust in Him, Jesus.
til next time jessebs
Peace and Shalom to Israel
p.s. Please when you pray, pray for the peace of Jerusalem
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