Getting rid of the baggage.

I believe that many time in life we go through more than we truly have too.  You know, the Bible tells us that God will put no more on us than we can bare. We ask then, why does everything seems so hard? That answer is because we have a tendency to hold within ourselves things we didn't even know was there. I know this because I am one of those people. I believe also that God puts people in our lives to help us to learn to cope with things that is wrong.

Cope - to handle something successful: to deal successfully with a difficult problem or situation.

Friends, men, especially have a tendency to think we can overcome things on our own, because most of us growing up was told grown men do cry and we have to be strong. Friends, take it from someone who is there and going through the same as you. Living in the past, (the baggage) will eventually catch up with you. Unless you or someone you know are aware of the signs, it will be  every hard to detect what is happening.
Many of the things we try thinking that we will get over it, doesn't work. We think that being able to talk to a love one or spouse about our problems will do the trick and fix us but there is more to it than that. We are talking about many many years of carrying past baggage. Getting help or treatment is no different than an Alcoholic seeking helping through AA, or a smoker having help to quit smoking. To many  times why we hold onto the past is because we go into what is called preservation mode.

Preservation - Is to protect from harm, danger; to protect.

Many people who have psychological problems are unaware because things happen to us in our youth or growing to where we build up a wall, saying, "I will never let this happen again".

Psychological  - Human mind: relating to the mind or mental processes affecting humans:  affecting or intended to affect the mind and mental processes.

 When I was young there had been a lot of bad things in my life and I say (had been) because it is in the past, now I have a future. People who live in the past have no future. As I was saying there had been things that took place so that one day I told myself, "NO ONE will ever hurt me again". I had built up such a wall I could not break it down on my own. Past baggage hurts everyone around you. I myself believe that 85% of divorces take place because of hurt from things we have no control over or we can't fix ourselves (past baggage).

As much as I hate to bring up these two subjects, they are two examples of why getting help will help you to cope and overcome the baggage of your past.

      1. Is battered wife/husband syndrome, yes it can go both ways
      2. abuse, (mentally,verbally, or physically), even child molesting/rape which could had happened only once or continue on into their teen and adult years. These are just two of the many things people try to cope with on their own. These are things that causes broken marriages and homes. When things begin to arise in our relationships with others we do have a tendency to get angry or upset to the point that there is no point of repair.
I believe that those things we have heard or experienced in our past stays within us until we can get help. And we bring them into our relationships. Being abusive isn't a way of life, we must face it!  Being abusive is a (SICKNESS). We said earlier in this blog that God puts on us no more than we can bare. Many will ask, if He, (God), doesn't, why doesn't or why won't he heal me. To be honest I have no answer to why He won't. The Apostle Paul had a thorn in his side, (not a literal thorn) it could have been a sickness, disease. We really don't know because there isn't much mentioned about it except that He asked God to remove it three times and God said NO, My grace is sufficient. Meaning I guess it is there to keep you (Paul) humble.
Many people suffer from depression and being Bi-polar. Many don't even know that they carry that around everyday. We feel down in the dumps all the times, don't care about things, especially those we love. When we suffer everyone suffers.
Some say that depression can be hereditary.

In which hereditary means - of or relating to,or denoting factor that can be transmitted from one generation to the next.

What cause depression and anxiety -

• Depression may be described as feeling sad, blue, unhappy, miserable, or down in the dumps. Most of us feel this way at one time or another for short periods. True clinical depression is a mood disorder in which feelings of sadness, loss, anger, or frustration interfere with everyday life for weeks or longer.

There are a number of factors that may increase the chance of depression, including the following:

• Abuse. Past physical, sexual, or emotional abuse can cause depression later in life.
• Certain medications. For example, some drugs used to treat high blood pressure, such as beta-blockers or reserpine, can increase your risk of depression.
• Conflict. Depression may result from personal conflicts or disputes with family members or friends.
• Death or a loss. Sadness or grief from the death or loss of a loved one, though natural, can also increase the risk of depression.
• Genetics. A family history of depression may increase the risk. It's thought that depression is passed genetically from one generation to the next. The exact way this happens, though, is not known.
• Major events. Even good events such as starting a new job, graduating, or getting married can lead to depression. So can moving, losing a job or income, getting divorced, or retiring.
• Other personal problems. Problems such as social isolation due to other mental illnesses or being cast out of a family or social group can lead to depression.
• Serious illnesses. Sometimes depression co-exists with a major illness or is a reaction to the illness.
• Substance abuse. Nearly 30% of people with substance abuse problems also have major or clinical depression.

How Is Biology Related to Depression?

Researchers have noted differences in the brains of people who are depressed as compared to people who are not. For instance, the hippocampus, a small part of the brain that is vital to the storage of memories, appears to be smaller in people with a history of depression than in those who've never been depressed. A smaller hippocampus has fewer serotonin receptors. Serotonin is a calming brain chemical known as a neurotransmitter that allows communication between nerves in the brain and the body. It's also thought that the neurotransmitter norepinephrine may be involved in depression.

Scientists do not know why the hippocampus is smaller in those with depression. Some researchers have found that the stress hormone cortisol is produced in excess in depressed people. These investigators believe that cortisol has a toxic or poisonous effect on the hippocampus. Some experts theorize that depressed people are simply born with a smaller hippocampus and are therefore inclined to suffer from depression.

One thing is certain -- depression is a complex illness with many contributing factors. The latest scans and studies of brain chemistry that show the effects of antidepressants help broaden our understanding of the biochemical processes involved in depression. As scientists gain a better understanding of the cause(s) of depression, health professionals will be able to make better "tailored" diagnoses and, in turn, prescribe more effective treatment plans.

What causes being bi-polar or uni-polar - The cause of bipolar disorder is not entirely known. Genetic, neurochemical and environmental factors probably interact at many levels to play a role in the onset and progression of bipolar disorder. The current thinking is that this is a predominantly biological disorder that occurs in a specific part of the brain and is due to a malfunction of the neurotransmitters (chemical messengers in the brain). As a biological disorder, it may lie dormant and be activated spontaneously or it may be triggered by stressors in life.

Although, no one is quite sure about the exact causes of bipolar disorder, researchers have found these important clues:

Genetic factors in Bipolar Disorder

• Bipolar disorder tends to be familial, meaning that it “runs in families.” About half the people with bipolar disorder have a family member with a mood disorder, such as depression.
• A person who has one parent with bipolar disorder has a 15 to 25 percent chance of having the condition.
• A person who has a non-identical twin with the illness has a 25 percent chance of illness, the same risk as if both parents have bipolar disorder.
• A person who has an identical twin (having exactly the same genetic material) with bipolar disorder has an even greater risk of developing the illness about an eightfold greater risk than a nonidentical twin.
• Studies of adopted twins (where a child whose biological parent had the illness is raised in an adoptive family untouched by the illness) has helped researchers learn more about the genetic causes vs. environmental and life events causes.

Neurochemical Factors in Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar disorder is primarily a biological disorder that occurs in a specific area of the brain and is due to the dysfunction of certain neurotransmitters, or chemical messengers, in the brain. These chemicals may involve neurotransmitters like norepinephrine,serotonin and probably many others. As a biological disorder, it may lie dormant and be activated on its own or it may be triggered by external factors such as psychological stress and social circumstances.

Environmental Factors in Bipolar Disorder

• A life event may trigger a mood episode in a person with a genetic disposition for bipolar disorder.
• Even without clear genetic factors, altered health habits, alcohol or drug abuse, or hormonal problems can trigger an episode.
• Among those at risk for the illness, bipolar disorder is appearing at increasingly early ages. This apparent increase in earlier occurrences may be due to under diagnosis of the disorder in the past. This change in the age of onset may be a result of social and environmental factors that are not yet understood.
• Although substance abuse is not considered a cause of bipolar disorder, it can worsen the illness by interfering with recovery. Use of alcohol or tranquilizers may induce a more  severe depressive phase.

Now the answer is: there are ways of getting fixed and leaving behind the unwanted emotional baggage we have carried around for years. 

First you must have or receive a diagnosis . 

Then with the help of the right medications, (different people usually are described different medications). What helps one may not be helpful to another but given a chance there is a right combination that will help with you depression/bi-polar disorders. 

And lastly finding the right counselor or therapist that you can feel comfortable with. Some men can relate to women better than men or vice versa.

Don't be ashamed or afraid to ask for help, the only shame is NOT seeking help.  If you don't care enough about yourself to seek help, do it for those you love and don't want to hurt.

 

Yes there are ways to reverse the baggage.
In airports there are baggage claim areas to pick up your luggage? Get off the plane forget the luggage and leave it there. It won't be easy but it can be done.

I hope this will help someone.








 

Some days a Diamond, Some days a Stone

Today as I start this blog, "good morning".

Some days a diamond, some days a stone, deals with waking up one morning in complete ecstasy, then the next like, wow, what the heck is happening to me. It has to do with being Bipolar and going through a deep stage of depression. There are different levels of being bipolar. Being bipolar is a mental illness that affects men as well as women alike. People who experience this, experience episodes of depression (low) and mania (highs). That is why this blog is named, some days a diamond, some days a stone. I, with about a million other people suffer from this crippling disorder.

Bipolar disorder is a mood disorder that causes episodes of depression (sadness and hopelessness) and episodes of mania (severely elevated mood). This disorder affects how a person feels and acts. No one knows exactly what causes bipolar disorder. Doctors and researchers believe that it may be caused by chemical imbalances in the brain.

People with bipolar disorder will have times when their mood is “normal” and balanced or close to that. But they will also have times when their mood changes are extreme for a period of time. These are called bipolar disorder “mood episodes".

I myself was diagnosed with being bipolar. I guess most people would think it would be something easily fixed. And, I guess for some it is, from all the comments I have read on pages about those effected by being bipolar, how a few medications did the job. Well one must realize that there are 5 different stages of the disorder. You must realize and understand before you can even begin the healing process.

#1 Denial

Many of us when first diagnosed are downright relieved to finally have a name for what ails us. But our relief soon turns to denial once the full implications of the illness become evident. What this means is that as we come to understand how much of our core personality is driven by this illness, and once we settle into the routine of drug-taking and doctor's visits, the realization that life will never be the same as it was before begins to haunt and torment us into denying some, or all, of reality. This is a dangerous but necessary time for us all to pass through. Accept it for what it is, an essential stage of coming to terms with being bipolar. Just be aware that this and the next stage are the times when you will be most inclined to do something you may regret later on. Don't drink heavily, don't quit taking your medications, don't quit seeing your psychiatrist and/or therapist, and if possible keep some sort of safety net in place in terms of support. If you crash hard, let there be someone there who cares and can help you hold on till stability returns.

#2 Anger

Hot on the heels of denial comes anger. You will be furious with life, yourself, the past, missed chances, screw-ups, your friends, your significant others and your physician. No one will escape totally unscathed from the sphere of the bipolar person who has yet to come to terms with his/her circumstances. BE ANGRY! You have a reason and a right to be. Anger in itself isn't a bad thing so long as you use it to empower yourself rather than to dis-empower or to harm others or yourself. The crucial point is that you understand and acknowledge your anger. Own it, accept it, and make it yours to the extent necessary to get through it. Is this permission to wallow in it indefinitely? No way! But you cannot move onward unless you've dealt with this critical aspect of learning to survive with a brain chemistry that will betray you at the first opportunity. Be angry; it's okay, and you need no one elses permission to be so.

#3 Guilt

Of all the many things you will feel as you try to adjust to being officially bipolar, guilt is perhaps the most burdensome and difficult to get a grip on. There's guilt over your past obnoxious behaviors and overt sexual indiscretions, the way you've treated family and friends, the lack of attention or care you've given your children, the inability to maintain jobs or relationships and the nagging self-doubt about your own sense of worth. But despite all the foregoing, remember this, in fact, make it your personal motto: GUILT IS A WASTED EMOTION. It comes from an exaggerated sense of responsibility aimed at the wrong kinds of things and for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes it comes from all those dos and don'ts you've had drilled into you by mom, dad, school and the church. Forget them, unless they were principles you personally chose after very careful thought, they don't matter now and they never did. What matters now is the future you choose to follow. From this point on, the choice and the responsibility are all yours. That's a little intimidating, but it's also a very freeing kind of thought as well. Try it on for size; you might come to appreciate it. If nothing else, it unties that old guilt-knot in one's stomach.

#4 resignation

Probably the most difficult and depressing aspect of this disorder is encountered after having passed through the tussle with denial and guilt -- it's the point when mere resignation settles on your shoulders like Poe's black raven quoting its dirge of "Nevermore." Nevermore the euphoric highs of hypomania. Nevermore the super bursts of creative energy. Nevermore the ability to do the work of ten others, stay up at the local bistro all night, and still write or paint until time for work the next morn. Nevermore the quick punning and life-of-the-party charisma. Nevermore.... yes, for this we must (and do) mourn, for the drugs that stabilize us will exact a price in return and this is part of it. So do mourn for the parts of your personality that may become muted or disappear entirely; it's okay to lay black roses at the feet of the drugs you must take. But then you must move on by accepting that: 1) you will experience a sense of resignation regarding your situation 2) you will mourn and suffer severe depression at feeling forced into that resignation, 3)you will occasionally (or often even) entertain the notion of dumping your drugs down the toilet (and you may, but please think it through first), and finally, 4)you will expect life to get immediately better and you will be disappointed at the fact that it doesn't. I can only urge you with all my heart to ride this tough time out. This coming to grips with a new you takes a very long time. Some things will improve very quickly, but others won't, and new things will pop up to grieve you. We bipolars are not usually patient sorts, but for your life and well-being, please try to be patient with this process of adaptation.


#5 reconciliation

Okay, you've been very brave and you've made it through the 4 previous stages; now you can breathe a bit easier for the worst is definitely over. Hopefully, as you've reconciled your past with the rather scary present, you've learned a bit about yourself and discovered a well of strength within that will carry you through the ups and downs that most certainly will come your way in the future. During this last phase you will continue the process of adjusting your medications, settling in with a good doctor, and developing a strong support network. If you aren't doing these things then please follow the links just mentioned and see why you should. In fact follow them even if you are because chances are you'll still learn something useful.

This is also the period during which you'll spend a great deal of time thinking about where you end and the drugs begin. Mixed in with these considerations will be an ongoing quest to find the real you underneath and/or cohabiting with the bipolar you. Sound peculiar? It should, but ask any bipolar of some standing and you will find that all have spent a good bit of time trying to figure out which of their cherished personality traits is due to their being bipolar and which is due to some unique, core "self". I've always considered myself a bit of a loner and just plain damned different from others. Now I wonder whether it wasn't my bipolar self protecting me from a world that was always just a bit too much. All of this questioning is an essential part of a process called acceptance. When you have accepted that there is no magic cure for what you have, and that you will have it forever, you can move on to making your life as fulfilling and stable as it can be. Not until you reach a point where you are both reconciled to your illness, and accepting of the treatment it mandates, can you really begin to grow and live a full life. The road is fraught with peril, but the destination is certainly worth the risk.

Some days a diamond, some days a stone. After many years of living with something I had no idea, thinking that it was the way of life, the way I was raised, after being raised by my Grandpa most of my childhood into my teens. My Grandpa always would say, if a man hires you to do a job, and pays you an honest wage, you give that man an honest days work. Well I took that to heart. All my life I have always had a tendency to give more than I had. Like bringing the wood and leaving it all right there on the deck, feeling good about what I had done, then the next moment no self worth wondering did I do everything, or could I have done more. Then the next day do it again and do even more, doing this day after day, year after year. Then one day I was so depressed that I took an anti-depressant called amatriptaline (not sure if you spell it that way or not). It made me feel so drowsy, sick, suicidal, just plain out of it, I told myself, "I'll just stay the way I am, at least I could function". Don't feel pity for me because I lived with this disorder so long, I don't need your pity, I need help. I have a Doctor I wouldn't trade for the world, she has helped me as well as my wife to get through this depression to the best of her know how. I was prescribed Zoloft by one Doctor, didn't do a thing for me, then Lexapro, what a joke. So he prescribed Wellbutrin, which worked for a time. Things began to improve, thank goodness, then here we go again, (some days a diamond, some days a stone.) Well since the Wellbutrin seemed to help, she upped it to Wellbutrin XL, which i believe does help, then Celexa, then zoloft, then Lexapro, Lamictal. What next Zanax, Prozac? Doesn't matter, we'll keep trying til we get it right. Thank you Dr. Weddle you're the best. A doctor with examination and research, can tell you what is wrong with you. Then there's the Psychiatrist, who prescribes, lol, and regulates the meds. Then there's the psychologist, whose job it is to get into your head, and fix ya. You know being unipolar or bipolar isn't the end of the world, some might think it will take until then to get you where you can be half way normal again.

To sit back and try to determine exactly when all this began, will drive you crazy unless you know when it started. I sit back and think did this start back when I was forced to live with a very abusive stepfather: The everyday beatings because you didn't speak up fast enough, the physical and mental abuse? Did it start when my ex told me 2 months into our marriage she still loved her ex b/f and I stayed in a dead end marriage to long until kids came along and then stayed for my kids sake. Probably not. However, the chemical imbalance in the brain and all the things I (and millions of others) go through in our lives for many years doesn't help. No it's not woe is me. I would like for everyone to know, being bipolar isn't easy to live with but it's not the end of the world either.

Some days you will wake up a diamond, on those days, live, do everything you feel you can do while your up. Because there will be days you wake up a stone, not even wanting to get out of bed or raise your head from your pillow.

LET US REMEMBER, we, you and I aren't the only ones who suffer this disorder.
And yes there will be, some days a diamond, and some days a stone.

The United states of JESSE

As I began to get the idea for this blog, it seemed strange to me yet rather funny, that a television show could be so funny but so true. If your reading this blog, I have to ask have you seen the show, The United States of Tara? It's about a woman who has multiple personalities. At one moment she's a loving Mom, then if something goes wrong , it triggers another personality to surface. She describes it to a tee on the show by saying, "it's a little like having a keg party going on in your head and you are the only sober one". Some people think that multiple personalities are a farce or joke. That it has to do with mood swings. Multiply personalities or D.I.D (Disassociative Identity Disorder) just another medical term for it. A condition that is brought on by a traumatic incident or incidents, that has occurred in a person's life. In the movie it shows her (Tara that is) having at least 4 different people inside one body. There is Tara, the host, then a snobby highly intelligent, prim an proper lady named Alice, there's a whacked out teen with a young slutty personality named T that thinks that since she is part of the body, sex , sex ,and more sex shouldn't have any boundaries no matter who it's with. Then there's a dude named Buck who also lives inside, "he" dresses like a man, ball cap, t-shirt or shirt with the sleeves cut out, drinks beer, smokes and at any time, he'll kick anyone's butt. Multiple personalities are brought on from different happenings in one's life.

First let it be known at this very moment. I am not an authority on this matter. Let's just say I've been around this for sometime now. I believe that it has been determined that people who go through traumatic episodes as a child and even growing up, get screwed up, by being raped, molested, physically, mentally, sexually abused, as well as other things. They need to get help such as therapy, counseling, medication if needed, (and most time are needed). But most don't, they are forced to live their life in a living Hell. The reason I say I am not an authority, on the matter is because my thinking isn't the same as theirs. How about a multiple living with a multiple lol an as Forrest Gump would say, "that's all i got to say about that".

What is trauma or traumatic, what are their meanings. It is an emotional shock or extremely distressing experience that causes severe extreme shock, and a long lasting physiological effect by someone who has been sexually, mentally, or physically abused once or over a period of time. So whether you except a person that has D.I.D or multiple personalities, that is your prerogative.
There are such people and it is real.

Disassociative Identity Disorder (DID), previously referred to as multiple personality disorder (MPD), is a disorder involving a disturbance of identity in which two or more separate and distinct personality states (or identities) control the individual's behavior at different times. When under the control of one identity, the person is usually unable to remember some of the events that occurred while other personalities were in control. The different identities, referred to as alters, may exhibit differences in speech, mannerisms, attitudes, thoughts, and gender orientation. The alters may even differ in "physical" properties such as allergies, right-or-left handedness, or the need for eyeglass prescriptions. These differences between alters are often quite striking.

The person with DID may have as few as two alters, or as many as 100. The average number is about 10. Often alters are stable over time, continuing to play specific roles in the person's life for years. Some alters may harbor aggressive tendencies, directed toward individuals in the person's environment, or toward other alters within the person.

At the time that a person with DID first seeks professional help, he or she is usually not aware of the condition. A very common complaint in people with DID is episodes of amnesia, or time loss. These individuals may be unable to remember events in all or part of a proceeding time period. They may repeatedly encounter unfamiliar people who claim to know them, find themselves somewhere without knowing how they got there, or find items that they don't remember purchasing among their possessions.

Often people with DID are depressed or even suicidal, and self-mutilation is common in this group. Approximately one-third of patients complain of auditory or visual hallucinations. It is common for these patients to complain that they hear voices within their head.

Treatment for DID consists primarily of psychotherapy with hypnosis. The therapist seeks to make contact with as many alters as possible and to understand their roles and functions in the patient's life. In particular, the therapist seeks to form an effective relationship with any personalities that are responsible for violent or self-destructive behavior, and to curb this behavior. The therapist seeks to establish communication among the personality states and to find ones that have memories of traumatic events in the patient's past. The goal of the therapist is to enable the patient to achieve breakdown of the patient's separate identities and their unification into a single identity.

Retrieving and dealing with memories of trauma is important for the person with DID, because this disorder is believed to be caused by physical or sexual abuse in childhood. Young children have a pronounced ability to disassociate, and it is believed that those who are abused may learn to use disassociation as a defense. In effect, the child slips into a state of mind in which it seems that the abuse is not really occurring to him or her, but to somebody else. In time, such a child may begin to split off alter identities. Research has shown that the average age for the initial development of alters is 5-9 years.

It is not mentioned in the article that alters or insiders, can and may be forced to take over the everyday life of the host at times when the host can no longer cope with everyday life or matters, when certain things are said, or certain past matters are mentioned it sends them in a tail spin. Which brings us to this.

Welcome to the United states of Jesse. Let me introduce myself. My name is Jobi Lee LeVeck and I am an alter and this my story according to none other than Yours truly. At this time ,I am tired, I am weary, and I am worn, and because my Leader or host is not mentally or physically able at this time to live his own life, I am doing my best I hope to live it for him. I look into the mirror everyday, well just about everyday, and see a person I am not. I am 30 years of age living in an 50 year old body, Yikes. As it may be I am married to a beautiful lady named (Tawana). Who really deserves to have her true husband back. (Hello in there lol ), deserves better (author's opinion), than what she has. It seems that, I guess, we are partially integrated at this time. I am suffering from a severe form of uni-polar disorder, the same as Jesse (my host) would be if he were here, and it is one hell of a disorder. I see me. Everyone else see's him (Jesse). I guess the only 2 that hasn't seen Jesse is 2 of the grand kids Logan and Kaiti poo. I am just 1 of 9 if you count Jesse. There's me, hello, there's my goofy twin Joey aka (the horn dog), Darrell, Ron, (who is in lock down), Ralph, Jeffy, the baby, (Jr.), and then there's the Preacher Job (which is to strict). What a combo huh? At least I haven't seen any women or girls in there, thank goodness. Not to offend anyone, but having multiple personalities, is a little like being a Gay or Lesbian, once you come out of the closet everybody knows lol. Each and everyone of us are unique, we came about at a very difficult traumatic time i may say in Jesse's life. I really at this time don't care to tell the long story about how we came to be. We just are. But if you're ever down around Southeast Oklahoma, about 90 miles North of the Red River, stop in I may tell ya about it. Well that's about it for now.

There are countless thousands who suffer from D.I.D., most commonly known as ( MPD) multiple personality disorder. If you ever run into a person who has the disorder, it may seem a little strange at first. Don't run, they're still a human being too. You probably won't know it, at least not at first.

Once again if you're ever down Southeast Okie way, stop, I might just tell ya about it. Now ya'll come back ya hear.

J.L.L