Monday, May 4, 2009

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

Sometimes when you talk about family it seems you have to watch what you say not to hurt someone in the process, it's a damned if you do and your damned if you don't situation. Anymore I don't know what to write about and not to write about it. Or do you get to the point to where you wonder does it even matter anymore, either they'll love you or hate you. Again I say does it really matter? Don't get me wrong, I love all my kids the same but I came to realize something this past Easter, even though I didn't hear it by ear, but was told second hand (and anymore it seems like everything is second hand), which really doesn't matter one way or the other. As a parent I did do something that I know I won't have to answer for on that day when I have to stand before GOD.

Proverbs 22:6 says this short and sweet. [6] Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

I can honestly lay my head down at night knowing that I raised my children in Church teaching them, (if they listened) how to live and walk for GOD. At times I even wonder though did they even listen? At the heights of my ministry I messed up big time, yes, I got to where I thought I could do things myself without GOD'S help, very stupid thing on my part. I lost my family, my church family and GOD all in the same day, and no I will not go into details, but I heard that one of my girls and my ex said something about the church they had to go to, and me (I), made my ex sick for all those years. So I guess all the years she was supposed to be standing beside me in it all was all just a farce. Wow, what a kick in the groan. Yeah she was sick but not the whole time. I finally came to terms with what I DID and asked GOD for forgiveness, I guess that's why I say your damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Being a Parent and Preacher, even a Christian, can be a beach. Some seem to do everything right then you have those like me that it seems never did anything right at all. Gosh what can I say except forgive me and move on. I guess maybe I did make her sick all those years after I think about it now. It seems that right after we split she started going to the bars and drinking and never took her medicine from what I am told. Guess I'm just a sickening person, lol. Well I guess I've beached enough for now and if someone sees my ex and my eldest daughter out there some where, tell them for me to go ahead and blame me and the church, just don't blame God, okay, cause you just may be damned if you do or not.

P/S I almost forgot something, be careful what you say, GOD does not afflict, things happen sometimes that He uses to try to get our attention and some listen and some rebel. So, before you begin to point fingers, look when you point, there's always three fingers and a thumb pointing back at you. Point and see. And by the way some seem to forget that GOD knows your heart, who is real and who is not. No, I am not judging, just stating facts. I find myself having to defend myself all the time. Well never again, so get over it and move on. Duh

well till next time jesseb's
Shalom and Peace to Isreal

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